Blue Monday.

It’s unusual for me to write about negatives well, at all, really. I tend to find them to be more personal, the kind of stuff you keep to yourself because no-one really wants to know that, now, do they?

When I started this blog, I wasn’t exactly in the brightest of places. The whole point of this was to force myself to look for points of light, constellations to guide me through my own, very personal night. Looking back on it now, it’s obvious that I needed something like this, and still do. I’ve just re-read The Spark – I can’t believe it was over two years ago that I sat down and wrote that, my first blog post. I feel aimless now, cast adrift, lost in the doldrums. Time passes by my window without throwing me a second glance. Cause and effect seem grey, inertia chains me to myself.

Just the very fact I’ve decided to come back to this blog is a quintconsequential for me.

And now that I’ve got this off my chest, to work. I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep anytime soon, so why not? Why not.

Finding time, finding space.

Writing is no longer the priority it once was for me. This is sad, but not the end of the line. I haven’t given up on it, as such. I just now find it much more difficult to fit in around an ever-increasing number of monsters eating up my time and energy.

I’m here, though. Despite the difficulties, despite that writing doesn’t come to me with the same ease and fluency as a couple of years ago, I still come back. In the last week I was introduced to the Ghazal form of poetry. Looking into it I realise there’s a lot more culture and history behind them than could be shown to us during one short workshop. So I guess the poem I’ve begun to craft isn’t a true Ghazal. But it IS a poem, and it is mine; that is enough for me.

I plan to do some more work on it and have 12 glorious lines of verse posted here within the week. I also plan to have read up on Quantum Mechanics and Physical Fields by then, but I think I know what I will end up doing, given the choice!

 

It’s good to be back.